Advice I Wish I Could Give to my Newlywed Self, 25 years later...

My 25th wedding anniversary is today! It's hard to believe that my husband and I have been married this long, although it can feel like our wedding was yesterday. I've been going through old photos, putting together mini-slide shows from Flipagram, and there are so many memories in them. There are the happy and the sad, knowing that behind the pictures, there's always more to the story. I'm glad that we stuck through it all, good and bad, because marriage is not an easy road. Sometimes I wish I knew then what I know now, so here's some wisdom and advice from my own experience to those early on in their married life, even those married longer, but may be struggling.

Marriage is tough. It's not perfect, and it's not always happy. It has many challenges and can test a person in many ways. You will realize your love must be based on more than passion, because day-to-day marriage is not a romantic comedy; it's more like a dramedy! Come to think of it, marriage is like being on "Naked & Afraid"...Two people who don't know each other, who are placed in unknown territory, stripped down and vulnerable, with nothing but their own survival skills, and the willingness to work with the other person in order to survive.

Marriage takes commitment and perseverance. For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer...you stick with it! Do this, and you will find that the joy in your relationship stems from the vows you took on your wedding day, not from the feelings you felt on your wedding day. Marriage takes constant work and the will to do it everyday. You must have optimism in your future and life together. You have to accept who your spouse is, and be comfortable in what your relationship is...all without compromising who you are and what you believe in as an individual.

I found this quote a few years ago, and thought it perfectly summarized what I believe is the key to a successful marriage. "Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction" -Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Wind, Sand and Stars.

Whether you are married or in a serious relationship, remember the vows you made to each other. Realize the meaning and responsibility you took on when you promised these words to your partner. I have no doubt more people can have satisfaction in their marriages and relationships if they enjoy and appreciate the better, but also are steadfast and work through the worse.

Consider these words when you are going through a rough patch in your marriage and relationship. Believe me, it's not easy to work through these trials, but if you weather the storm, it is well worth it in the end. When you can sit with your mate and know that you are looking out into the same direction, the contentment that fills you will give you joy in your life and marriage!

<3 Cheryl Joy

Through the years (left to right): First date- Spring 1984, Engagement photo-Spring 1989, Honeymoon in Monterey, CA, 1st year at Sigma Chi Formal, 5th year on a Mexican Riviera Cruise, 10th year with the Kiddos at Panda Inn, 15th year on a cruise to Cabo, 20th year in Pasadena, CA, The day before our 25th during our daily commute in Sacramento, CA.