Marriage Is Not Always Happily Ever After...

I know that I posted a version of this back in July, but I believe that it's worth repeating, because sometimes it takes more than just once in order to get through to some of us!

Truth #1: Marriage is tough. It's not perfect, and it's not always happy. It has many challenges and can test a person in many ways. You will realize your love must be based on more than passion, because day-to-day marriage is not a romantic comedy; it's more like a dramedy! Come to think of it, marriage is like being on "Naked & Afraid" ...Two people who don't know each other, who are placed in unknown territory, stripped down and vulnerable, with nothing but their own survival skills, and the willingness to work with the other person in order to survive.

Truth #2: Marriage takes commitment and perseverance. For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer...you stick with it! Do this, and you will find that the joy in your relationship stems from the vows you took on your wedding day, not from the feelings you felt on your wedding day. Marriage takes constant work and the will to do it everyday. 

 

Truth #3: Marriage means being genuine and confident . You must have optimism in your future and life together. You have to accept who your spouse is, and be comfortable in what your relationship is...all without compromising who you are and what you believe in as an individual.

Truth #4: Marriage isn't sappy, it's sensible. I found this quote a few years ago, and thought it perfectly summarized what I believe is the key to a successful marriage. "Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Wind, Sand and Stars.

Truth #5: Marriage is about reveling in the good and dealing with the bad. Whether you are married or in a serious relationship, remember the vows you made to each other. Realize the meaning and responsibility you took on when you promised these words to your partner. I have no doubt more people can have satisfaction in their marriages and relationships if they enjoy and appreciate the better, but also are steadfast and work through the worse.

Consider these truths when you are going through a rough patch in your marriage and relationship. Believe me, it's not easy to work through these trials, but if you weather the storm, it is well worth it in the end. When you can sit with your mate and know that you are looking out into the same direction, the satisfaction and contentment that fills you will give you joy in your life and marriage!

Our 25th Wedding Anniversary Party July 2014

What is your Passion Project?

When I had my idea for the Joy life club blog, I was hesitant since I had already started (and have since stopped) a blog, ShoeAxis , a couple years ago. I wasn't sure if I wanted to put myself "out there" again, but I still longed for a creative outlet to latch onto. Even though my daily work as a Nurse Practitioner was fulfilling, it lacked in inspiring me.  My desire to do something that was unrelated to my day job, brought me to start a fashion blog. I believe I was on the right track, but I needed to fine-tune my intentions and focus. 

The irony is that I found my passion was not for fashion, but for health & wellness---an area I was already in! Throughout my career as a medical healthcare provider, I was inclined to educating patients about their lifestyle habits . When patients came back for follow-up---improving their blood pressure readings, their labs results, even losing weight and feeling better, I felt empowered! To be a part of somebody's transformation is awe-inspiring. We are magnificent creatures made by an awesome God!  

When I finally sat in silence, and pondered my life during my meditation, the obvious came clear. I was frustrated with conventional medicine's traditional and stringent approach to a patient's chronic health problems; addressing a symptom as a separate entity, verses addressing the symptom in how it relates to the whole person, in order to find the core problem. This is an area of medicine where I knew I could make a change in, and make a difference with my knowledge and experience, and yes, with my passion!

Sometimes I wonder why it took me so long to get it. Why I had to go through disappointments and failures. I sure did feel silly at times, but my first little blog actually got me out of my comfort zone, so for that I am grateful for my short stint with ShoeAxis. Experiences, circumstances, or even seemingly random moments in life, should remind us that there is a point and a purpose for whatever we are doing, whatever we are going through, to bring us to where we currently are. Sometimes we are too stubborn, too clueless, or too busy trying to figure it all out, that we forget to just be calm and still during these instances. 

A friend of mine forwarded this article to me, and it was exactly what I had been feeling, validating that I wasn't alone in wanting to be enlivened, to do more, having a purpose, and giving back. Have you found the thing that enriches your life, whether it's an aspect of your career you can expand on, whether it's a hobby you have neglected and want to get back into, whether it's something you haven't quite figured out yet? Take the time to pause and consider what it is that stirs you, that motivates you, that inspires you. With a little prayer, and in the stillness of the moment, you will find clarity in the purpose that gives you joy in life!

Just Be Awesome: Who Am I & Why Am I Here?

It seems that most people can struggle with these two questions: Who am I & Why am I here.? Starting as teenagers, we are finding out who we are separate from our parents and family. We go into college and/or into the work force with the hopes that we know who we are. We know enough to choose a major, then a job, and ideally a career we'll continue on for the rest of our lives. Then when we get "there", we ask ourselves, "Why am I here? This isn't me!". Even if we have a good life, and we're overall content and happy with our job and home life, we may still ask some form of these questions, having guilt for having these feelings.

This can lead to frustration, resentment, and confusion for us because we can't "figure it out", wondering why we feel this way. Those who are depressed or disheartened may struggle even further. An article I read in the Elephant Journal illustrates what we may be missing stating, "Where we have stopped dancing, singing, being enchanted by stories, or finding comfort in silence is where we have experienced the loss of soul".

This is where we need to be awesome again! Life runs at such as a fast pace. We're always on the go, thinking of our next task, worrying about our next deadline, stressed about our to do list. We have lost what gives us joy, what gives us purpose...we've "lost our soul". We have forgotten what's important in who we are and what we do because of all the chaos and noise around us and in our heads. Our energy is zapped and we're drained of our vitality and zone out during our downtime because we're on fast forward most of the time. Our bodies are spent and are minds are frazzled.

What got me here and why I started doing this is because I had reached the point where I was tired of faking it; pretending I had it all together when I was really exhausted! I started to ask myself these questions wondering, "Is this really it? Is this as good as it gets?". I'd feel bad for having these thoughts because I am truly blessed---I have a wonderful life with amazing family and friends. I attend church fairly regularly and believe that God has my back.

So why was I still in a funk? As people we tend to over-think things instead of just quieting our minds & looking inward into what gives us joy. Therefore, we miss out on what gives us the peace we need in order to feel genuine and truly content without any conditions. Maybe the question we need to ask ourselves now is, "What kind of life do I want to lead?" In her best-selling book, Thrive: The Third Metric, Arianna Huffington states that we need to redefine our definition of success to mean more than money and power. The third metric of success is to thrive and learn to optimize the quality of our lives.

I believe that most of us are sleep-deprived and even the most religious of us can't hear God's voice because of our fatigue and busy minds. Thrive: The Third Metric, quotes a sleep study out of Standford that found that athletes who got more sleep enhanced their performance levels. The athletes also stated that their moods were lifted and they had less fatigue, suggesting they were sleep-deprived, operating on a sub-optimal level. The researcher concluded that, "They'd accumulated sleep-debt...it's not that they couldn't function, they were doing fine, but they might not have been at their full potential". 

Lack of sleep. This is what prevents us from being our optimal awesome selves! We need to stop our stubbornness, get our priorities straight, and get some quality sleep in order to clear our minds. Then we need to learn how to enjoy life again, finding what truly brings us joy!

When I look at my dog Kona, I see a being with unconditional love and patience. A creature who is just happy to see you when you get home, jumping & wagging his tail, and just so excited when you play with him and take him on a walk. Kona knows who he is (a dog), and why he is here (to bring a smile to those around him). Simple, basic, that's all. There's nothing contrived or fake about his intentions, nothing forced, just pure joy when he's with the people he loves, doing the things he loves. And that's why God made a dog... To remind us to just be...
And God made a dog (Video)

If you want to find your awesome optimal self, join me on a 30-Day Joylife Training Journey here. I hope you think about and consider getting more sleep, even if you don't think you need it. Tell me your thoughts and as always, find what gives you joy in your life.

  <3 Cheryl Joy